Amanda Airway

Amie Vo

Jayleen Luu

Brian Vo

Ryan Ilagan

Patrick Yandoc

Betsy Vo

Tuyen Vo

Amanda Pham

Felicia Chanco

You nine have had to deal with my bipolarity, whining, indecisiveness, immaturity and ultimate miserable demeanor, and I apologize. I appreciate every single one of your guys’ presences in my life, more than you can ever imagine.

I almost made an impulse decision earlier; I was asked about what I am planning on doing from this point forth. I went with the safe statement of “I’m not resigning yet,” and I have a feeling of both relief and disappointment.

I honestly don’t know what I want to do. I am so lost. My happiness is directly dependent on other people’s happiness and pride in me, and I feel like if I am not fulfilling other people’s happiness, I can’t find my own.

I think that’s why I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do anymore, because no matter what I do, someone is unhappy, or someone is disappointed in me. And I couldn’t live with that, especially if it’s someone I’m close with.

My standards have been set too high by my family, my peers, and myself. And settling for something less has made me miserable.

Still Damaged

Every time I start to feel even a little bit of emotion (that isn’t happiness or anger; in other words, anything remotely close to melancholy or contemplativeness), I automatically shut my senses off. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t allow myself to feel anything for fear of being weak, immature or overly sensitive.

I’ve become numb to anything real. Things that should trigger some sort of emotion from me simply don’t anymore; I think about it, shrug it off, and go about my day.

Some would say this is a desirable trait—the ability to feel nothing and, as a result, feel no pain—but feeling nothing is the most painful feeling of all.

Coachella, you kill me.

Sold out already? Really? Looks like I’ll either be Craigslisting it or…not…going………GAH

Wow. For once in my life, I can’t instantly think of a song that coincides with my emotions at the moment.

Confidence is a fickle little enigma. For the first fifteen years of my life, I lacked it completely. Always a shy, insecure, soft-spoken girl, hardly ever speaking her mind nor voicing any opinion whatsoever. Then I made some new friends, gained the self-esteem I had always dreamed of having, and by sophomore year of college, I finally felt somewhat comfortable in my own skin.

So what happened between then and now? Why do I suddenly feel like I’m that ugly, overweight, unintelligent loser that I had convinced myself I was when I was 14? 

“Don’t you think we oughta know by now? Don’t you think we should have learned somehow?”

There are some days where I feel awesome, and others where I feel like shit.