Amanda Airway

Everyone creates their own happiness.

And I could not be happier right now. :)

Sometimes I wish I was still an optimist.

Then I remember that my cynicism has probably saved me from a lot of pain.

Amie Vo

Jayleen Luu

Brian Vo

Ryan Ilagan

Patrick Yandoc

Betsy Vo

Tuyen Vo

Amanda Pham

Felicia Chanco

You nine have had to deal with my bipolarity, whining, indecisiveness, immaturity and ultimate miserable demeanor, and I apologize. I appreciate every single one of your guys’ presences in my life, more than you can ever imagine.

I almost made an impulse decision earlier; I was asked about what I am planning on doing from this point forth. I went with the safe statement of “I’m not resigning yet,” and I have a feeling of both relief and disappointment.

I honestly don’t know what I want to do. I am so lost. My happiness is directly dependent on other people’s happiness and pride in me, and I feel like if I am not fulfilling other people’s happiness, I can’t find my own.

I think that’s why I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do anymore, because no matter what I do, someone is unhappy, or someone is disappointed in me. And I couldn’t live with that, especially if it’s someone I’m close with.

My standards have been set too high by my family, my peers, and myself. And settling for something less has made me miserable.

So This is the New Year.

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually written a blog post—lately it’s been Instagram photos and reblogs. What happened to my constant blogging demeanor? Have I lost the will and interest to create original posts?

Not in the slightest.

The past four months were a never-ending stream of work and stress. It was my last semester of my undergraduate career, comprised of two senior capstone classes (PR Campaigns and Entertainment Marketing), two “just-for-fun” classes that required more work than I had anticipated, and working part-time at The Disneyland Resort. Somehow, I managed to finish all of my projects and finish the semester with a 4.0, making my final cumulative GPA in college a 3.75.

This was all on top of job-hunting and apartment searching.

I’m literally being thrown into the real world now. I was offered many interviews for my post-graduate career, and ultimately was offered two positions. I accepted a position with Global Results Communications, and will be starting as an Account Coordinator on January 3.

Everything just happened so fast. What happened to freshman year, when I was living in the dorms with my roommates Becky and Yasmin, and spending nearly every waking moment with my three best friends Lance, Sarah and Stefan? I’ve been going full-speed with no intention to stop, and I am starting a full-time, salaried job not even one month after graduating. But maybe I rushed into this too fast. I don’t even get a chance to breathe.

I was home in Seattle for the past week, and while coming home is always difficult because I know I have to leave to return to California, this time it was especially hard. Seeing all of my friends and family, and telling them about my new job and ultimately not knowing exactly when I will be able to come home next…it’s quite the reality check for me.

California is great, and I am so glad I have been able to call it my temporary home for the past three and a half years. But my permanent home is and always will be Seattle: my city’s filthy, and I could never abandon it. Who knows how long I will be in California? One more year, two years, six, ten? Regardless, I will always come home to the place I was born and raised to live the rest of my life.

Life is just beginning for me. Welcome to the real world.

Listening to The Shins and doing some homework.

Today’s been an interesting one. Needless to say, I’m excited to see what will happen in the next few.